The First Chapter
The mind's refreshingly light, yet my soul's weighed down by the expanse of emptiness. When was the last time I felt this way? That rapturous progeny, giddy and aching with the sameness of insanity. Still I might have been exaggerating, forgive me, for I am not insane, but just a person who finally unsheathed the loneliness that he had kept deeply pierced for so long.
The human mind is a complexity shrouded by infinite layers of thoughts, an impregnable fortress that I have tried so hard to breach. With every attempt I only scathe the gravel, bits and pieces that provide little clues to an indeterminate conclusion.
Today, I feel alone. Or I think I do. A day when every note plays to my emotional vicissitudes. Then again, there's this ironical sense of triump that I do not have to suffer the pains of breakups, a vivid turbulence that I could only withdraw to the abyssal depths of my mind.
Am I in fear? Perhaps I am. Even so, of what am I fearful? Fear of the very nuances of love? Or fear of the person providing it? Both ways, they leave me a cynical wreck. I still very much am attracted to this beautiful gender, don't get me wrong here. It's just the idea of commiting to one of them; to lay bare my heart as I once did, naked and vulnerable, which I would come to know was displaced in the most horrid fashion.
I caught 'Pride and Prejudice' today. It sparked off the spiralling of what became a convenient subject for this post. The movie was excellent, in achieving what I believe to be the effect intended by the director. It was a romance so pure and innocuous that strangely, was believable enough for me to be intrigued right to the end. One of few movies that made me feel impossibly inadequate. It teared open the sinews and picked out the stirrings that had been buried so deeply from a long forgotten past. It raised my bar to unattainable heights, and as much as I am willing to remain rational, I've already subconsciously reaffirmed my beliefs.
Where do I find this girl - she of intellect, faith, grace, genuinity and loyalty? Am I allowed this coveted serendipity in my lifetime? I am not worthy perhaps, but I can only hope against hope, for my heart and faith are fast fading into the nothingness of harsh reality.
The human mind is a complexity shrouded by infinite layers of thoughts, an impregnable fortress that I have tried so hard to breach. With every attempt I only scathe the gravel, bits and pieces that provide little clues to an indeterminate conclusion.
Today, I feel alone. Or I think I do. A day when every note plays to my emotional vicissitudes. Then again, there's this ironical sense of triump that I do not have to suffer the pains of breakups, a vivid turbulence that I could only withdraw to the abyssal depths of my mind.
Am I in fear? Perhaps I am. Even so, of what am I fearful? Fear of the very nuances of love? Or fear of the person providing it? Both ways, they leave me a cynical wreck. I still very much am attracted to this beautiful gender, don't get me wrong here. It's just the idea of commiting to one of them; to lay bare my heart as I once did, naked and vulnerable, which I would come to know was displaced in the most horrid fashion.
I caught 'Pride and Prejudice' today. It sparked off the spiralling of what became a convenient subject for this post. The movie was excellent, in achieving what I believe to be the effect intended by the director. It was a romance so pure and innocuous that strangely, was believable enough for me to be intrigued right to the end. One of few movies that made me feel impossibly inadequate. It teared open the sinews and picked out the stirrings that had been buried so deeply from a long forgotten past. It raised my bar to unattainable heights, and as much as I am willing to remain rational, I've already subconsciously reaffirmed my beliefs.
Where do I find this girl - she of intellect, faith, grace, genuinity and loyalty? Am I allowed this coveted serendipity in my lifetime? I am not worthy perhaps, but I can only hope against hope, for my heart and faith are fast fading into the nothingness of harsh reality.
posted by sq at 7:08 AM
1 Comments:
Very well written comments!
Post a Comment
<< Home